Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
