bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
