Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize