All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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