apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
