margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
