Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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