Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
