I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
