everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
