i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
