Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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