I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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