I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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