the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We are two peas in an std pod
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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