yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
