we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
