Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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