wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
