Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
