I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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