I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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