Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
