she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
