he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize