Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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