I smell stomach acid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
