My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
