We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize