just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
