No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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