she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
