No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
