Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
literally had 100 drinks last night.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
