youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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