Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
