Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
