He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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