I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
