I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
