I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
