This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize