This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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