Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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