is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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