Umm I'm too high to move.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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