what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
