i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
