I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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