I heard we made out
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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