RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
