community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
