oh god the rape fog is back!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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