and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
