Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
