I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize