operation have a gay friend backfired
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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