Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
