We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
