Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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