M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
