You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
