Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
