I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
