just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
