i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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