fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
