I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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