I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
40s are totally the cure
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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