At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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