Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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