So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize