3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
