kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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