i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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