shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
vagina is talking i cant
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
