The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
