All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
