So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
