I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
