Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
