so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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