Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
