I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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