MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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