considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
