U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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